Why you don't need more self-discipline to reach your money goals

(3 1/2 minute read)

It’s the start of February, and many New Year’s resolutions have been cast aside. 

This doesn’t shock anyone; it happens every year. “Quitting day” has become an annual tradition just like taking a walk on the first warm day of spring. 

Every year, like clockwork, we put away our gym clothes and stroll over to the donut shop, because, it’s quitting day.  

I say this lightheartedly, but the truth is many people experience real frustration when they can't reach their goals. Despite their best intentions, they can’t seem to make any progress so they stop trying.

“I just need to work harder,” they say. “I just need to do better. Be more disciplined.”

But time and time again, the mentality of just do better lets them down. 

What causes us to quickly abandon our well thought-out goals, our dreams, and ambitions?

At the beginning of January we believe anything is possible. Yes, I can get healthy this year. Yes, I can reach my financial goals. Yes, I can….

By February, our hope for real life-change is nearly vanquished. I must not be smart enough. I must not have what it takes. I guess I don’t possess enough self-discipline….

Is a lack of self-discipline our problem, or is it something else?

~

I remember meeting Jack and his wife for the first time during a counseling session. He was the stoic, military type who only spoke when necessary. 

Jack and his wife needed help getting their finances under control. Although they had a great income, money didn’t stay in their accounts very long. Like many couples, they struggled to communicate about money and often didn’t see eye-to-eye. 

During our first meeting, I wasn’t sure what to make of Jack. He had a history of overspending and although he said he wanted to change, it was clear he desired something else more. 

What does Jack actually want? I wondered to myself during our conversation.

He was so quiet I wasn’t sure if he’d open up, until this happened…. I asked Jack to describe his most vivid childhood memories about money. It took about five seconds for his hard exterior to melt away. Through a well of tears, Jack shared how his family grew up fairly wealthy. Mom and dad both worked in real estate and were very successful.  While he was still young, the ‘08 market crash came, and his family lost everything. Jack recalled painful memories of stealing gas and bread so his parents could drive to work and eat.

Jack was an incredibly disciplined person, being in the military I suppose you have to be. 

He lived his life in a meticulously ordered fashion, except where money was concerned. 

In order to reach his financial goals and begin creating new money habits, Jack didn’t need self-discipline. He needed a lesson in self-discovery. 

The boy who stole bread to feed his family turned into the man who didn’t spare any expense to please his wife and children. 

On the surface, Jack wanted to change his spending habits. At his core, he was a man who deeply desired to be a good provider and a boy who was terrified to go without. 

Once he was able to understand why he behaved the way that he did with money, the steps to healing and reconciliation became much clearer. 

~

As a financial counselor, I wish more people understood the role our emotions play in our decision-making. 

Psychologists have proven we make up to 90% of financial decisions based on emotion, not logic or reason. 

Our emotions stem from the deepest desires of our hearts. Your desires will shape your life, which is why Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

What this means for you and me: if there is a goal you want to achieve but you are struggling to make any progress, it is likely because there is something else you want more. 

We live towards what we want. Regardless of what we say, our actions show us where our true desires lie. 

Your journey towards financial discipleship likely doesn’t begin with self-discipline, but self-discovery. 

When Jesus called his first disciples, he asked them point blank: “What do you want?” (John 1:38). 

He doesn’t ask them what they know or what they believe. He doesn’t appeal to their intellect; he beckons their hearts.

What do you want?

Most of us have a difficult time answering this question, but it still demands a response. 

“I want to create a budget so that I can save more money,” isn’t a real answer and it likely won’t get you anywhere. The clear lack of emotion shows you have not yet answered the real question.

(Speaking for a moment to my friends who work as advisors or financial ministry leaders - if you have a growing frustration because your clients consistently don’t follow through on their goals, it is because you haven’t helped them identify what they actually want.)

We naturally live towards what we want. 

Financial discipleship asks, how can I begin to shape my desires to align with God’s? How can God’s heart become my own? 

Friends, we cannot heal what stays hidden. Like Jack, once you understand the emotions behind your money decisions, transformation begins.